Episode 11: Holding On to Small Things in a Shaken Community
⚠️ Content Warning: This post and episode discuss school shootings, lockdowns, children’s fear and safety, and include strong language. Please read and listen with care.
There are moments in life that stop you in your tracks. Moments when the world suddenly feels unsafe, unfamiliar, and unbearably heavy. For me, that moment came last week when my children’s school went into lockdown after an active shooter threat nearby.
I’ve always worried about my children’s safety every parent does but on that day the fear became real in a way I’ll never forget. The shock, the disbelief, the uncontrollable shaking, the way my brain raced a million miles per hour while my body felt heavy and slow. Waiting, wondering, not knowing what was safe.
Since then, I’ve carried a strange mix of emotions: relief when I could finally hold my kids in my arms, heartbreak for what they and their teachers endured, exhaustion from staying busy with anything I could do, cleaning, cooking, coordinating PTA fundraisers, checking in on friends because being still felt impossible. I watched my son cry over family photo albums, missing our dog who had passed this summer, when in truth he was crying because he didn’t feel safe but couldn’t put it into words.
This episode of Small Things, Big Life is different. It’s not polished or scripted. It’s not about politics or debates. It’s an open journal, an outlet for the fear, numbness, anger, and gratitude that all crashed into me at once.
I share:
The surreal fear of racing to the school not knowing what was safe
The out-of-body anger I felt when told my children might be bussed elsewhere for reunification
The heartbreak of seeing fear in other parents’ and children’s eyes
The ways our community came together in strength and compassion
The small things that carried me through hugs, texts, simple words like “I’m here”
This is a story of grief, resilience, and love. A reminder that while we cannot control everything, we can hold tightly to the moments that matter most.
💚 If your world has ever stopped in its tracks, if you’ve ever had to hold heartbreak and gratitude at the same time, I hope this episode reminds you: you are not alone.
